Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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