What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
