tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
