hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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