I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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