Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
