i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
