There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
