Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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