Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize