He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
