I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
