We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize