the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
