you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
