you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
