Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Drunk is a universal language darling
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
