I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
