i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
