Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
bring money and cleavage
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
