You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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