They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
