remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
