A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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