Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
