well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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