South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
