Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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