you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
