His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
