These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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