i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
