What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
im six kinds of drunk right now
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
