NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
