the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
