Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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