I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
