i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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