I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
