I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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