Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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