dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
