I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize