Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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