It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
