that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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