I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
