found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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