Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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