Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
