We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
