Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
