I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
