i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
