so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize
