allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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