so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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