3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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