I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
