Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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