normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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