I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
