Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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