so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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